Principle I. Human, Above All Else
“If the person you are talking to doesn't appear to be listening, be patient. It may simply be that he has a small piece of fluff in his ear.”
– A.A. Milne, Winnie-the-Pooh
We're all human, show grace. Challenge the assumptions you make about others. If a teammate seem off one day; she isn’t communicating clearly, or working well, or is flat out frustrating you, try to be even more kind. Think about how you can be of help, rather than pointing a finger. While Niceness seeks to appear kind, to check a box for convenience, or to be liked, Kindness asks, “how can I help someone out, and make their day a little bit better?”
In Practice: For you
When it gets emotional, pause
The histories, personalities, and situations of your teammates are out of your control, but the way you treat them is not. If stuck in a circular discussion, or it’s getting heated, take space from the topic and revisit. Kindness is not judging the other as wrong or right, but supporting one another as a team, to ensure discussions are non-emotional, so that the best decisions can be made.
Return to the contentious topic
Avoiding the conflict makes something feel like a bigger deal than it needs to be. Re-approach it confidently, to remind your teammate that it is not personal, and that it is important to discuss, unless the matter has resolved.
In Practice: For the team
Share your highs and lows
Try starting the first call or meeting of the week, by asking one another about daily highs and lows from the few days prior. This lightens the mood, builds trust, and helps the team to reconnect as humans, before diving into work as teammates.
Listen to understand, not to reply
Complete attention is the kindest thing you can offer someone. Think of your teammates as friends that you’re learning about. Push yourself to ask for clarification on at least one thing they may have said before jumping to your response. Practicing active listening helped us to have richer discussions, and fostered connectedness.